


The First Time

by elizaye



Series: FWB!verse [19]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkwardness, F/M, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 13:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizaye/pseuds/elizaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel goes on a date, Lisa visits Lawrence, and Dean feels guilty, as usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Time

The silence is awkward, the conversation stunted.  Castiel is fairly certain that it is his fault; he’s never been socially adept, and he’s starting to regret letting Dean talk him into this.

But Dean had looked so hopeful, and Castiel had been swaying stupidly between glee that Dean cared enough to try to set him up with someone and disappointment that Dean’s efforts proved that he’d never look at Castiel that way.  Castiel’s crush was ridiculous to begin with though, and maybe going on a few dates would help, he’d thought.

Yeah not so much, he thinks now, looking at the young man across the table from him.  The guy’s already finished off three cans of beer and is working on a fourth, and he’s hardly eaten any of his food.  Castiel gets the feeling that he doesn’t plan to finish it.

Through their exchange, Castiel’s learned that Ash is a physics and computer science double, and that he would have chosen math as a second major if he didn’t love computers so much.  But aside from an interest in math and a mutual friend in Dean, they have next to nothing in common.

“Y’know, no offense or anythin’, but this ain’t workin’,” Ash says as Castiel finishes eating, and Castiel finds himself chuckling.

“I agree,” he says.

“Thought so,” Ash says.  He downs the rest of his beer and slams the empty can down with a satisfied sigh.  “So, wanna get outta here?”

Castiel blinks, because he’s heard Dean say this to the girls he wants to sleep with.  “I thought you said—”

“Well yeah, you and I wouldn’t work, y’know, romantically, but we’re both good-lookin’ guys, and there’s nothin’ stoppin’ us from havin’ some fun.”

“You think I’m good-looking,” Castiel says.

“Well, sure.  Have you looked in a mirror lately?”

“Yes.”

Ash stares at him for a moment before laughing.  “I like you.  So, whaddya say?  Wanna come home with Dr. Badass?”

Castiel considers this for a moment.  Indeed, Ash is not unattractive and appears to be well-versed in these matters, and Castiel would like to try sex.  He nods, and Ash breaks into a grin.  “I suppose I should warn you that I don’t have experience in this arena, so you will have to take the lead,” Castiel says.

“Oh, come on.  No way you’re a virgin,” Ash says.  Castiel just looks at him, completely serious.  “Okay, then—that’s fine.  I’ll make it good for you.  You trust me?”

Castiel hesitates, then says, “Yes.”  He trusts Dean, feels certain that Dean would never set him up on a date with someone who would hurt him.

“We won’t have any problems, then,” Ash says, and then he turns in his seat to get the waiter’s attention.

* * *

As he enters their apartment, Castiel hears the sound of the television blaring and frowns, because the Impala wasn’t out front when he came in.  And then he recognizes the sounds as live football coverage and remembers that Dean’s friend had planned to come over today to watch the game.  “Hello, Victor,” he says as he shuts the door behind him, raising his voice so that he can be heard over the television.

“Cas,” Victor acknowledges as another voice pipes up—

“I’m here, too!”

“Hello, Jo,” Castiel adds as he toes his shoes off.

“So,” Jo says as the sports program cuts to a commercial, and she pauses to mute the television.  “We heard you didn’t come back in last night,” she finishes.

“You heard correctly, then.  Where is Dean?”

“He went to pick up Anna,” Victor answers, and Castiel belatedly remembers that today’s the day Anna comes back from California—after she graduated, her family had forced her to go home, but she had been adamant on returning to stay in Lawrence with Dean, and they hadn’t been able to sway her.

Jo waves her hand dismissively.  “Oh, forget about Dean.  How was your date?”

Castiel frowns, trying to think of a way to describe it.  “Not unpleasant,” is what he settles on, because it’s true.  The actual “date” portion of the night was far from ideal, but the sex was surprisingly good.  Except that he’s now sore and feels as though he’s walking funny.  Perhaps he would prefer “topping” next time.

He walks past Victor and Jo on the couch and goes into his bedroom to remove his coat and hang it up in his closet.

Jo’s footsteps follow him into the room.  “Not unpleasant?  That’s really all you’re giving me?”

“Is it inadequate?”

Jo rolls her eyes.  “Honey, you’re gorgeous and tons of people would love to date you, but it’d really help if you didn’t talk like a crusty old college professor.”

“This is the way I talk.  I don’t feel inclined to change.”

“Anyway, uh.  Any particular reason why you didn’t pick up your phone last night, besides the obvious?”

“It ran out of battery,” Castiel says.  “I apologize—did you try to reach me?”

“No, but Dean did,” Jo says.

“Oh.  Why?”

Victor chuckles—he’s appeared in the doorway without Castiel’s notice.  “He was worried ‘bout you.”

“Yep,” Jo confirms.  “Those mother hen instincts of his…”

“Oh,” Castiel says.  “When he returns, I will reassure him that I was fine last night.”

Jo turns her laugh into a cough.  “Yeah, you do that.”

Castiel frowns and wonders why Jo would laugh at him.  Is that not the right response?  Unless Dean wasn’t really worried, and Victor and Jo are just making fun of him—Castiel seems to miss these jokes sometimes.  He lets it go, and when Victor and Jo leave the room abruptly, he assumes it’s because coverage of the game has resumed.  Sure enough, the sounds of the television float into his bedroom a moment later.

“Cas, you wanna watch with us?” Jo calls from the other room.

Castiel moves to the doorway and responds in the negative before pulling it shut.  Sporting events couldn’t ever really hold his attention.

He picks up his leather bound copy of _The Complete Sherlock Holmes_ , a birthday gift from Sam this winter.  He hadn’t had much time to read it during the year, but he’s been reading it since school let out, and he’s almost finished now—yesterday afternoon he finished “The Adventure of the Lion’s Mane,” and according to the Table of Contents, he only has three stories left.

He’s really enjoyed the stories immensely, and he only wishes there were more.  He’ll have to come up with something very good to get Sam for Christmas, since his birthday passed about a month ago.

Smiling, Castiel settles down on his bed and opens the book.

* * *

“Wait,” Anna says, putting a hand on Dean’s forearm before he can get out of the car.  “You look distracted—what’s wrong?”

Dean shakes his head.  “Nothing.”

“Can we go now?  I really miss Cas,” Lisa says from the backseat.  She’s coming to surprise Cas, and she brought her baby along too, which means she has a ton of baggage for Dean to carry—fantastic.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Dean says, flashing a grin Anna’s way to prove that he’s fine.  She doesn’t seem to buy it, but she usually sees through his bullshit, so it isn’t exactly a surprise.

Anna and Dean unload the trunk, and Lisa watches them, resting Ben on one hip.  Then they enter the building and start climbing up the stairs toward Dean’s apartment.

Dean wonders if Cas is even home—he didn’t come home last night, and he wasn’t answering his phone, which means he probably went with Ash, and Dean knows that Cas is fully capable of taking care of himself physically, but it’d be so easy to trick him.  Cas is terrible because he always believes the best about people, and the fact that Ash could have taken advantage of Cas is just _killing_ Dean, because it would be entirely his fault.

Then a set of knuckles raps on his head, and he yelps, startled.  “Ow!”

“Unlock the door, you moron,” Anna says, and Dean realizes that they’re already in front of the apartment.  “See?” Anna continues.  “Distracted.”

“Yeah, yeah.”  Dean puts down a suitcase, unlocks and opens the door, and lets Anna and Lisa in ahead of him.

“Oh hey, Daddy’s home!” he hears Jo shout from inside—figures she’d come along with Victor.

Dean rolls his eyes and enters the apartment, hands full.  He kicks the door shut behind him and sees Victor taking Anna’s bags from her.

“You must be Lisa,” Jo’s saying, and then she’s getting off the couch to introduce herself.

By the time Dean’s in the living room, everyone’s been introduced.  Dean frowns.  “Hey, where’s Cas?”

“Yeah, where’s Cas?” Lisa echoes, handing Ben off to Anna.  “I owe him a gigantic hug and a noogie.”

Dean puts down Lisa’s bag and goes over to Cas’s, room, knocks on the door.  “Cas?” he calls.

“He’s in there,” Victor says when Cas doesn’t respond.  “Came in about twenty minutes ago.”

“Okay,” Dean says, frowning.  It’s not like Cas to ignore him—is something wrong?

Dean pushes the door open, and Cas looks up from his spot on the bed, a book propped open in his lap.  Seeing Dean, he smiles and removes his earbuds, and oh, okay, so he just didn’t hear.

“Hello, Dean,” he says, putting his book down and getting to his feet.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean answers, and he’s stupidly relieved to see that Cas is okay, though if Ash manipulated him into anything, he’d probably _think_ he was fine anyway.  Dean will have to talk to him about that.  But Cas is walking past Dean and into the living room, probably to say hi to Anna, and Dean turns just in time to see him get practically assaulted by Lisa.

“Wha—” Cas starts, and then his arms are wrapping around her, squeezing tight.  “Lisa!  What are you doing here?  Is that—is that Ben?”

Lisa backs off—no noogie, Dean notes—and smiles widely.  “Yeah, that’s Ben.”  She takes him from Anna and holds him out to Cas.  Cas smiles and takes him easily.  Ben goes without complaint, staring at Cas’s face, and Anna laughs.

“He likes you a lot better than Dean,” she says.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Dean protests.  “He was already getting fussy when you passed him over to me.”  Besides, they were still at the airport, and aren’t babies supposed to be nervous in huge public places or something?

Ben burbles, then smacks a hand against Cas’s cheek and coos.

“Figures that you’d be good with kids,” Jo comments.

“It’s the eyes,” Anna says, nodding, and Dean has to stare at Cas because it looks like he’s _blushing_ , which is not something that happens often.

After an appropriate amount of cooing over the baby, Lisa takes Ben into Dean’s room to put him to sleep.

“How were the parents?” Jo asks Anna in the meantime.

“Oh, god,” Anna says.  “Let’s not talk about them.”

“Are you staying?” Cas asks.

Anna nods.  “Yeah, I’m staying.  I am so sick of doing whatever my mother wants.”

“She actually told her mom to ‘shove it,’” Lisa reports, emerging from Dean’s bedroom.  “Can you believe that?”

It _is_ pretty surprising.  Dean hasn’t met any of Anna’s family before, but Cas and Anna have told him enough about them, and he’s heard how respectful Anna’s tone is whenever they’re on the phone.

“Let’s not,” Anna repeats.

“Is everyone free for dinner?” Cas asks, changing the subject in a way that’s obvious and awkward and just so _Cas_ that Dean has to smile.  Anna shoots him a grateful look.

“Yes, we _should_ do dinner,” Jo says.  She turns to Lisa and adds, “I keep hearing about you from Cas and Anna, and it’s about time we got to know each other.”

“Yeah,” Victor agrees.  “And if we have nothing else in common, we can always bag on Dean.”

“Oh come on now, that just isn’t fair,” Dean says, and the others laugh.  Dean gets a feeling that this is gonna be one of those dinners that’s somehow fun and awful at the same time.

“Okay, so dinner tonight,” Lisa says.  “I’m down for it.  Where are we going?”

“The Roadhouse,” Dean says immediately, and Jo evil-eyes him.  Dean just counts it as payback for laughing with the others—he’ll get them all back eventually.

“Ooh yes, let’s,” Anna says.  “I love Ellen.”

This makes Jo groan, and when Lisa just looks confused, Cas explains, “Ellen is Jo’s mother.  She owns the Roadhouse.”

“Ugh, I don’t want my mom watching over us the whole time,” Jo complains.

“Last time she only stopped by one time,” Victor says.

“You guys do this to torture me, I swear.”

“Nope,” Dean says innocently.  “I just like the food.”

“They do serve very good burgers,” Cas agrees, because he’s awesome and always has Dean’s back.  Jo just shoots evil eyes at him too, but Cas is the master of staring at people until they look away, and Jo doesn’t bother with it for too long before giving up.

“Well, there’s just one problem,” Lisa says.  “I’ve got Ben.”

“Oh, that’s no problem.  Sam can look after him,” Dean says.

“You don’t even know if he’s free tonight,” Anna points out.

“I’m sure he is,” Dean says.  “If he’s doing anything, it’ll just be going over to Jess’s house, and she loves kids, so…”

“So it’s settled,” Anna says.  “The Roadhouse it is.”

* * *

“I would not mind sleeping on the couch.”

“For the last time, I’m not kicking you outta your own room, Cas.”

“I’m shorter than you—I don’t need as much leg room as you do.”

“Cas, if you’re not okay with sharing, tell me, and I’ll take the couch,” Dean says.

“I’m fine with it.”

“Okay, then.”

Castiel still hesitates a moment before lifting the covers and sliding in beside Dean.  He stares up at the ceiling and silently curses Anna for kicking Dean out of his room.  She wanted to do something like a sleepover with Lisa, and they originally considered staying at Anna’s apartment instead, but Dean pointed out that it’d be more convenient to just have them all under one roof, since the girls would be coming over to hang out with him and Cas anyway.

And his argument makes sense, but Castiel doesn’t want to share a bed with Dean.  After all, sharing a bed with the guy who stars in all of one’s fantasies isn’t exactly conducive to ending those fantasies.

Dean clears his throat and shifts his weight on the bed, and Castiel turns his head to see that Dean’s rolled onto his side, facing him.  “Hey, Cas.  I uh, wanted to talk to you.”

“We’ve been together most of the day,” Castiel says, frowning.

“Alone.”

“Oh.”  There’s a brief pause, and Castiel wonders what Dean might want to tell him without the others present.  And then he remembers what Jo and Victor had told him this afternoon when he came in, so he asks, “Is it about my date with Ash?  I missed your calls because my phone died—I’m sorry.”

“Oh.  Yeah I uh, I figured.”

Another silence, and Castiel decides to give Dean some more time to collect his thoughts by turning onto his side.  His legs curl upward naturally, and his knees brush against Dean’s.  He shifts backwards a bit on the bed to put some more space between them.

When Dean still doesn’t speak, Castiel prods, “Dean, you wanted to talk?”

“Yeah,” Dean says, and he looks almost reluctant.  “Look, I just wanted to know if you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” Castiel says, frowning—should he not be?

“I mean, I was just—I didn’t think you’d go home with him on the first date.  Hell, you told me you hadn’t even kissed before,” Dean says.  After a pause, he asks in a lowered voice, “Ash didn’t pressure you, did he?”

“Dean,” Castiel says, letting a grin form on his lips, because it’s comical that Dean would think Ash could force Castiel into anything, “were you worried about me?”

“Cas, I’m not joking,” Dean says, and Castiel suddenly sees what Dean must be thinking, realizes what the problem is.  “If Ash did something to you that you didn’t like—”

“—it would _not_ have been your fault,” Castiel interrupts, because he knows Dean well enough to know that he finds some way to blame himself for everything.  “Dean, you are not responsible for my well-being.”

“No, but I was the one who introduced you to him, so—”

“Stop.  Nothing happened last night that I didn’t want.  And if I hadn’t wanted it, I could have stopped him at any point.  I know how to take care of myself, Dean.”

“But… dude, Cas.  It was your first time.  I thought you’d want something more than a one-night-stand.”

“Before Anna, you had one-night-stands all the time.”  There’s a twinge in his chest at the thought that Anna was the one Dean decided to settle on, that Anna was the one Dean stopped sleeping around for, but Castiel’s gotten so good at ignoring his jealousy that he barely even notices it.

“Well yeah, but—”

“But what, it’s different?”

“Yes.”

Castiel frowns.  “How?  How is my choice to have casual sex any different from yours?”

“Because you—because you’re—”

“Because I’m _what?_ ”

“Because you’re _Cas_.”

Castiel doesn’t even know what to say to that and finds himself blinking at Dean for a while.  Dean just stares back, and Castiel wonders if Dean even meant to say that.  What the hell is it supposed to mean?  Castiel isn’t allowed to have one-night-stands because of who he is?

Finally, Dean sighs and shakes his head, a hand coming up to cover his face so that his next words come out slightly muffled.  “Sorry.  Sorry, I just.  I don’t know, man.  You—you’re different from pretty much anyone else I know, and it’s… I don’t know.”

“So what you’re saying is that you expected me to be a person who…what, who saves himself for marriage?” Castiel says incredulously.

“Well—no, but I thought you wouldn’t give it up so easily, y’know?  You’re… you’re better than that.”

“I still don’t understand why you disapprove.  You did it too, so you shouldn’t be casting judgment—”

“Jesus, Cas, I’m not _judging_ you.  I just…” Dean cuts himself off with a frustrated sigh.

“Why this double standard, then?  Why are you allowed to sleep around while I’m not?”

“Because you’re better than me, okay?”

Castiel glares at Dean and reaches up to pull his hand away from his face.  “Dean, look at me,” he says when he realizes that Dean’s eyes are closed.  With a sigh, Dean opens them, and Castiel is caught off-guard by how perfectly the deep pools of green reflect the moonlight filtering in through the blinds.  “I am no better than you are,” he says, gaze firmly locked with Dean’s.  “I don’t understand where you got this notion that you’re _worse_ than me somehow, but it’s wrong, and I want you to stop thinking it.”

Dean shakes his head.  “Cas—”

“No—Dean, I mean it.  This isn’t the first time you’ve implied something like this, and I need you to understand that I am just as base, just as _human_ , as you are, and there is nothing wrong with that.  You joke around about corrupting me, and that’s fine, so long as it remains a joke.  We are not so different, you and I.”

Castiel falls silent and waits for Dean to respond, but Dean just stares at him, and Castiel wonders if his words are even getting through to him.

And then Dean huffs a short laugh and looks away.  “Yeah, okay.  No more pedestal for Cas—got it.”

From the way Dean says it, Castiel gets this horrible feeling that he may have _disappointed_ Dean, and he bites his lip.  “Dean,” he says, and Dean looks back at him again, “have I… have I disappointed you?”

“What?  No,” Dean says, shaking his head.  “Look, I was mostly just worried that Ash talked you into doing something you didn’t wanna do.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.  The fact that I’m not… not _better_ , as you insist.  Does that disappoint you?”

“No,” Dean repeats.  “Cas, you’re my best friend, and I don’t think you could disappoint me if you tried.”

The words are sincere, words that Castiel loves and hates in equal measure, and Castiel smiles, despite the conflicting emotions in his chest.  “I’m glad,” he says, and it’s mostly true.  He’s glad that Dean considers him his best friend, because this is as close to Dean as he can possibly get, and he has to be content with it.

Dean grants Castiel a soft smile, and he feels so privileged—Dean’s very closed-off as far as emotions go, and it makes moments like this all the more precious to Castiel.  “Good night, Dean,” he says, closing his eyes.

“‘Night, Cas.”

**Author's Note:**

> The next two parts are going to be flashbacks as well, so I apologize if you're not as interested in them. We'll return to our story line in the present soon!


End file.
